she looked like the bat from fern gully.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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