I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
