You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
