It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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