If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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