Sry I called you an 8
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
