Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
