I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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