No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
