Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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