my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize