Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
