That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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