i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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