Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
