The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
