I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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