he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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