Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
