im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
