I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
