opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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