Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
