im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
one might say we're banned from that church
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
