This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
