woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We are two peas in an std pod
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
