ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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