If that was your dad, he is hot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
