some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting