I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
