Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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