the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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