one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
