Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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