Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Floor bacon is actually really good
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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