We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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