so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
