hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck appropriateness.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
