i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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