Porn is love you can see.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
