i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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