the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
