Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
