You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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