peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
