So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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