I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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