My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
