chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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