I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
