he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
