The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
