Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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