totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
