how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
