one two three fourrrrnication!
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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