guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
