We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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