fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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