I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
