i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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