I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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