the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
